Persons of a Certain Age...

You know you're getting older when...
-It's your birthday and your mom, coming back from running errands, announces, "Marcel [kid brother] and I said a whole rosary on the way to the store. And since it's your birthday, we offered it for you. [Uncomfortable pause, while I continue slicing bread for toast.] We offered it so that you'd find a good job, and a... [giggles, but tries to sound authoritative] ... a good husband!"
-You buy the cake and pick up the wine.
-Parents' birthday gift is $50 cash. This is a good thing.
-Mom later goes on to extol the virtues of former neighbour's son.
Mom: "Mrs. Tutt always says what a good man Charlie is, and you know he's given up dating girls up in that mining town, they've all been around the block a few times too many, and he doesn't want that... And remember, when you were 13, he said he'd like a girl like you, if only you were a few years older..." (Ew. You'd have to be sick in the head to want me when I was 13.)
Me: "But mom, Charlie's got to be near 50 by now!"
Older brother: "Yeah, that breaks the half-plus-seven rule. I think... yeah, he's too old for her." [Ed. note: the Rule says that the youngest a man may marry is a girl whose age is half his, plus seven. Therefore, if Ralphie is 34, the youngest skirt he may chase is 24 - half his, 17, plus 7. Older brother is fixated on said Rule.]
Mom: "He's only 42, Melina. And he's such a nice man."
Older brother: "Still too old. Not by much, though, come to think of it..."

Ah... pass the Little Penguin, will ya?